


Exactly what he wished for

by Ta_Ma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Comfort, Getting Together, I'm Sorry, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Self-Doubt, hope you like it though, i tried to write fluff but I wasn't in the mindspace to do so, it's a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25497565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Ma/pseuds/Ta_Ma
Summary: Sonny offers Rafael a drink after a tough case and trial, and everything feels so different between them that it gives him hope.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27
Collections: Barisi Summer Exchange 2020





	Exactly what he wished for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanzios](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzios/gifts).



> I'm really sorry because I had this beautiful fluffy story planned and then work got in the way and I was running out of time, so I had to finish the story without being in the right zone to write something cute. I hope you like it anyways.

It happens after a really though case followed by an even harder trial. In the end, Barba manages to get the guy convicted for attempted murder, because proving the sexual assault has been impossible. At least he’ll be behind bars for a while, and Sonny is not entirely disappointed. Rafael is, though. So Sonny offers to buy him a drink, and to the detective utter surprise, the attorney actually agrees.   
  
“Not at Forlini’s, though… I’m not in the mood for a cop bar” he says with a tired expression. And Carisi scans his own mind for a quiet nice place to have a couple of drinks. Barba seems to know what the younger man is thinking because he speaks again. “There’s a nice place near my apartment if you don’t mind the distance”.

  
“That’s fine, I can take a cab later” he complies immediately because he’ll do whatever it takes to keep Barba from mellowing on what he, undoubtedly, will call a failure.  
“Good.”

  
About twenty minutes later they are seating in a secluded booth, Barba sipping at his neat Scotch as Carisi nurses a beer bottle. It is, indeed, a quiet nice place, there are no more than fifteen people in the whole bar and there is soft music playing in the background. The older man seems a lot calmer now and he looks openly at Sonny as he recounts a funny story from his early days in the NYPD. He is kind of failing because the weight of the man’s green eyes on him, as he smiles at Sonny’s words, is making it difficult for him to really recall all the details, or even to remember why this story was supposed to be funny in the first place. 

  
Sonny has liked Barba since the first day and he has been seriously infatuated for almost three years. By now, he is used to the man’s retorts and his ability to down-talk anyone, but he wasn’t expecting to have Barba’s full attention in this open way. The older man asks about Sonny’s story and laughs at what he says and the detective could not be happier, even though he doesn’t really know what to do with all this attention when usually the only way for him to get Barba to listen to him for longer than a minute is giving the man relevant information on an open case. But now he is just talking about his family, the squad, and his nights at Fordham, and despite nothing about what Sonny is saying seems extremely interesting to himself, Barba’s eyes haven’t left him at all. 

  
He notices Barba’s empty glass and gestures for it as he gets up. “Want another one?” and the older man smirks mischievously before tapping the table pensively as if he is pondering what he is about to say. 

  
“Actually, what would you say…” he drags his words and Sonny is not sure if it is because of the alcohol or just tiredness, but it sounds so sexy that he doesn’t really care. “would you like… mmh…” Sonny is speechless at witnessing Barba struggling with his words, even though he does so in a nonchalantly way. “Would you like to come up to my apartment for that last drink?” his green eyes are locked on Sonny’s and the detective doesn’t miss the way Barba bites his lip after he has asked. 

  
The younger man stares at him in shock until his mind replays the question. Then he feels his mouth open in amazement, but he shuts it quickly, trying to regain some composure before he embarrasses himself. “Are you… I mean, do you…”, it seems that the prosecutor’s loss for words is contagious somehow. He can see Barba’s open expression change into a more serious one and he curses himself for being so slow.

  
“I mean, it’s just an offer…” the older man says, looking down. “I thought I read this…” he trails off, pointing between the two of them.

  
“You read it just fine,” he says, glad that he’s found his voice. “I just didn’t expect you to be… interested” that earns him Barba’s heavy stare. “What I meant to ask is… Is this a one time deal?”.

  
“I don’t know” his voice is really soft and this time he doesn’t stop looking Sonny in the eye. “I can only tell you that I want you… I’ve wanted you for a while. That today was a shitty day, but when you offered your company after the verdict, it seemed to improve quite a bit. I can tell you that listening to you talk and watching you smile at me, has stopped me from drowning in self-loathe” Sonny unconsciously reaches for him and gasps slightly when the older man takes his hand, which gets him a soft smile. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you since you offered that drink…” he says softly, still smiling.   
  
“I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you…” Sonny blurts out, he chuckles and keeps rubbing Rafael’s knuckles with his thumb.   
  
Sonny finds himself in the elevator of Rafael’s building, marveled that he is now allowed, not just to like and want the man, but to do something about it. He gets closer and feels again those green eyes burning him and his hand reaches for Barba’s cheek in a soft caress. As he rubs his thumb against Rafael’s jawline, he thinks that he can at least take his sweet time. If this night is not going to have a second part, he can try to engrave every detail about this sweet, sexy, and intimate Rafael in his mind. 

  
Sonny is staring at Rafael’s eyes reverently, he can smell the man’s aftershave mixed with the scotch’s aroma and a hint of sweat after all day in court, and he can only think that he would love to smell it every day. He would love to go to sleep next to it, burying his face in the older man’s neck as he falls asleep. 

  
The ding announcing that they have reached Rafael’s floor takes Sonny out of his daydreaming and he blushes furiously at the pictures that he has been painting in his mind. Barba has offered a taste and he was already thinking about ordering the whole menu and then learning every recipe and, finally, catering his whole life around them. He is so screwed. 

  
Carisi’s face must have been showing his inner breakdown because Rafael pulls him into a soft embrace and whispers in his ear. “We don’t have to do anything… I invited you up because your presence is so comforting. But I don’t want you to regret anything…”  
Sonny tries to compose himself, but he feels really overwhelmed and really wishes to stop his mind from racing. A few hours ago, when he offered Rafael that drink, he was only thinking about comforting the man.

  
“I would never say no to you… it just… it’s a lot…” he says.   
“Hey… let’s go inside and sit down” Rafael’s sounds a bit unsure, but he unlocks his door anyway, and Sonny hates himself a little bit for making this man doubt him. He nods and follows him inside. 

  
Barba gets him to sit down on his couch and pours a glass of water for each one, he sits down besides Sonny, but not too close and the detective curses himself internally.   
“I’ve been dreaming about kissing you for years… I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that…” he admits, not looking at Rafael. “But I got scared. Shit. No, that’s not the word… I got anxious when you said you didn’t know if this was a one-time thing…” he is really trying to get his point across without breaking down in front of the prosecutor. “Because I don’t know if I’ll be able to bear it, having you for just one night and then never again…” he looks up now just to see a worried look on Rafael’s face. “My mind was already picturing our life together in the elevator…”

“Shit… this is not how I was picturing the evening to go… I only wanted to be here for you” he admits, defeated. But Rafael reaches for his hand before speaking. 

  
“And you did. You are here… If you had not asked me for that drink, I would probably be basking on self-pity and a lot more Scotch here on this couch, alone…” his voice sounds a lot softer than how it usually does. “The last thing I wanted was to make you feel this miserable…” 

  
“It’s cause I can’t decide if it’s better to have you for one night or not have you at all…” Sonny admits because, in the end, it is better to just lay everything out. 

  
“That’s not what I meant…” It is more a whisper than a statement, but it makes Carisi look up again. “I wasn’t offering a night of sex only… I was just trying to get you to stay with me a little longer. I did not realize that I’d make you feel this way…” now it’s Rafael’s turn to look down, and the detective cannot grasp the fact that it is him making the older man act this way. 

  
“I really like you, Sonny…” the detective lets out a little gasp at this sentence. “I do, but I don’t really know how to do this…” he signals vaguely at the space between the two of them. 

  
“This?” Sonny asks because he really needs to know what Rafael is talking about.  
“Relationships” the man admits “It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way about another person… I don’t think I’ll be able to treat you right” he looks up again, and Sonny could swear that the green in his eyes is even brighter.

  
“Hey… there is no right or wrong way to do this” Sonny’s voice is shaking because this evening has really been a rollercoaster. 

  
“Can I…” Rafael seems unsure again “Can I hold you?” he whispers and his body is already turned halfway towards Sonny, waiting for him, so he nods and lets the older man’s arms embrace him. “Will you… give me a chance?” Rafael’s voice sounds muffled against Carisi’s shirt. 

  
“Only if you give me one… also?” he replies and tightens his hold a little bit.   
And Sonny feels content because he’s got the man he loves in his arms and the opportunity to build a life with Rafael ahead of him. And that’s exactly what we had been wishing for. 


End file.
